To the friends who hurt me, the boys who confused me, to the people who used to support me, and to the relationships we’ve since lost:
Sometimes I still think about you
and wonder how you are doing. Even if we don’t talk anymore, I still think of
you and hope that you are doing well in life. I have nothing against you except
that you’ve hurt me, but I hope you aren’t still hurting others. What has happened in
the past is simply that, the past. I have learned from it just I as I hope you
have. I am, surprisingly, pleased that you have hurt me because I have learned.
I have learned what a healthy relationship is and what friendship truly is. I have learned what
is bad for me and my mental health. I have learned how to move on. I have learned that time
really is one of the best types of medicine.
I still think of you when I
remember you supporting me through everything, until I found additional interests. I remember being denied opportunities because you felt I wasn’t
ready when I was so incredibly ready to try my very best. When I would have my ideas shot
down and my creativity pushed aside.
I still think about you when I drive
by your house to get to class or when I take an order of someone with the same
name as you. Sometimes it makes me miss you. Well…not you necessarily but the moments we had like when you covered me
with your sweatshirt because I was cold and left mine in my locker or when you
invited me over on a snow day to just hang out. its the memories I miss, not so much the relationship we had.
I still think about you when I feel
sad or regretful because I remember hugging you in the April rain, or when I just
needed to smile that day, because I wonder where we’d be if we hadn’t lost touch. Sometimes it makes me want to reach out to you again
to see if you’d still be there for me or if we will forever be just memories to
each other. But as I have said, I don’t mind the memories we had. And I am learning to
feel little or no regret at all because…
Sometimes I remember what you’ve
all taught me: that I should continue to share my ideas whether they are “approved” by others or not. That, sometimes, friends just stay friends, or even lose contact. That true
friendship is a warm hug in the April rain from a friend 3,000 miles away and
that they will always be there no matter the distance and no matter the ridiculousness of the situation. You’ve taught me how to
have a healthy mind and how to keep it that way (relatively). Thank you for
leaving my life and attempting to crush my aspirations. Besides, if it weren’t for you, I
would never have gotten to where I am today.
And as for the readers: there are probably
people like this in your life without you even realizing it. And when you do, it is
absolutely A-Okay to just let them go. It will help not only yourself to grow
and learn but the ones who have or are hurting you to grow and learn from whatever
mistakes have been making. Just keep chugging along and moving forward because in
a few years’ time, you will see difference and the progress you have made.
Keep moving forward and always
Beca 🙂 xx